What is CNC?
Consensual-non-consent play or CNC, refers to simulated force or assault that is actually just pretend and consensual.
Just like a game of lazer-tag, where you pretend to shoot and kill each other, in a CNC roleplay, a dom might pretend to force a sub to have sex – but it’s really just a fun game for both of them.
CNC is often used to describe ‘rape fantasy.’ Personally I find this preferable because:
- People who enjoy CNC do not actually want to be raped / rape someone.
- The term ‘Consensual-non-consent’ makes it very clear that this is a consensual act.
There are many different sub categories of CNC, which may or may not include sex.
These include:
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- Rape fantasy
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- Kidnapping fantasy
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- Blackmail (a victim must do what the blackmailer demands or there will be consequences)
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- Being bought or sold against your will
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- Somnophilia (having sex with someone who is asleep)
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- Hypnosis (a person is hypnotised and used for erotic purposes)
Is it ok to be into CNC?
Yes! CNC is a very common fantasy, especially in women. In fact, research shows as many as 62% of women have these types of fantasies (Bivona, 2009).
Unfortunately CNC is often deeply misunderstood because it can look and sound like assault. However, just like with rollercoasters and horror movies, there is a very big difference between reality and pretend. CNC, when engaged in properly, actually involves an incredible amount of trust between partners. It can be empowering – making a dom feel powerful and masculine, and making a sub feel sexy and desirable.
However, due to the risks involved in this type of roleplay, it is imperative to have good communication (and honesty) with your partner(s).
How to play safely
Just like any form of roleplay, it is very important to discuss the extent and boundaries of the rolepay with everyone involved, prior to the roleplay starting. For example, vaginal sex might be ok, but anal might not be. So make sure you talk about everything you do, and do not want to do.
Consent can be withdrawn at any point, for any reason. This is why we strongly recommend the use of safewords. Safewords allow the sub (and dom) to communicate if something is wrong and the play needs to be paused or stopped (this is especially important if screaming “no” and “stop” is part of the fun!).
Lastly, a huge amount of trust is required to play in this space, and it is important to remember there is always risk involved.
For a subs, you must trust your partner(s) to adhere to the agreed upon boundaries, and to stop if/when you use your safewords. When playing with CNC you are deliberately getting close to a line, and it is important that everyone understands where that line is.
Similarly, doms must trust that their sub(s) understands their own boundaries and have communicated that clearly, that they are in a sound state of mind, and they will use safewords when ever necessary.
Aftercare
Aftercare is an important part of BDSM. It involves any kind of ritual or routine that helps the participants return to a normal state of mind, once the roleplay is over.
Due to the intense nature of a CNC roleplay, there are often lots of emotions and brain chemicals flooding your system, post orgasm. This can lead to feelings that can be unexpected and confusing. For example, subs might experience strong feelings of fear, anger or being overwhelmed, almost as if they have actually been abused. Doms might experience feelings of guilt or shame, as if they have actually abused someone.
It is important to remember this is normal and temporary. The reason it happens is because the body doesn’t understand the difference between real and pretend. Just like if you force yourself to hyperventilate for 60 seconds, you will start to feel panicky, even though nothing bad is actually happening. It’s a biological response. Aftercare will help you manage these feelings until you start to feel normal again.
What aftercare looks like will vary from person to person. Some of us need cuddles, some of us need space, some of us need gummy bears and gatorade. Take time to check in with your feelings and create an aftercare routine that works for you, and your partner.
References
Bad Girls Bible (n.d.), CNC Kink Play 101: Learn Everything About Consensual Non-Consent, https://badgirlsbible.com/cnc-kink-consensual-non-consent, accessed 13/02/2023
Dom Sub Living (n.d.), 5 Things You Need to Know About Consensual Non-Consent, https://domsubliving.com/5-things-about-consensual-non-consent/, accessed 13/02/2023
J. Binvona (2009), The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Analysis of Prevalence, Frequency, and Contents, Journal of Sex Research, pg 35-45
