To all the good male Doms out there, I want to say something that you probably don’t hear enough. Your dominance is your gift, and let me tell you why…
The role of a Dom is not easy. It is a huge responsibility that requires excellent communication, trust and careful judgment. As a submissive, when I play with a Dom, he must be deeply in tune with my verbal and non verbal cues. He is always listening to me; to every cry, every breath, watching every shift of my weight, to make judgments on where to take the scene next. He is constantly monitoring the situation, making spontaneous and creative decisions about how to facilitate the best experience for us both.
This is not an abuser or a misogynist. This is a man with amazing sensitivity, self control, and respect for me and my experience.
Unfortunately the world can be an ignorant place, and I have met so many men who have told me they are afraid of their dominant desires because of harmful stereotypes. I get so frustrated with the casual man-hating in our modern culture that allows these stereotypes to thrive. Grouping dominant men with abusive men is an ignorant generalisation that completely ignores the many virtues of the Dominant role.
I recently recorded a podcast interview on this topic with my partner Slade. He talked about how he has managed to overcome those feelings of guilt and shame:
“As a Dom, one of the things that really helps me feel more comfortable in a situation is knowing what the sub is into, and being able to share in that experience with them. So rather than feeling like I’m the monster, you’re actually giving this gift. You’re doing something that ultimately not a lot of people can bring themselves to do, and really giving them (the submissive) an experience that they want to have. And at that moment, all of that guilt and shame falls away.”
It is because of Slade’s dominance that he can facilitate all that I crave to feel as a submissive. Without him I would never know these wonderful parts of myself.
If you are reading this, I hope that you can see that your dominant desires don’t make you a bad person. Dominance is not abuse. Dominance is your gift, and on behalf of all submisives out there, I am grateful for all you give to us!
If you would like to hear the full interview, you can find it on the latest episode of my podcast Turns Out I’m Into It.
