Remember that moment in Batman vs Superman when they are trying to kill each other, until they realise both of their mums are called “Martha” – then they stop fighting and suddenly become best friends? Lol. That scene always makes me laugh, and for years after my safeword was “Martha.”
Safewords are an important part of any kinky play. As great as “Martha” was as a safeword, I have since adopted the Traffic Light System which I feel is much more practical for kink, and I recommend you try it, if you haven’t already. The traffic light system means instead of having one safeword, you have three:
“Green” = Go
“Yellow” = Pause / Approaching my boundary
“Red” = Stop
The reason the Traffic light system is so powerful is really because of the middle word “Yellow.”
Life isn’t black and white, and boundaries aren’t always obvious – Especially in kink when we are often exploring boundaries and pushing their limits. We might not be ready to stop a scene, but we may need to communicate with our partner when we are getting close to a boundary.
For example, during an impact play scene where you are being flogged, you might not want them to stop, but you do want to let them know you are close to your limit and to proceed with caution. This is where “Yellow” comes in so handy!
The Traffic Light System doesn’t stop with scenes. It can be applied to all sorts of different situations.
For example, imagine a couple wanting to open up their relationship, but who are unsure of where their boundaries are. Say they have a sexy party coming up where they might have the opportunity to play with another person. Using the Traffic Light System, they could say “red” if they are not ready to make that jump yet. Or, they could say “yellow” to indicate they are willing to explore playing with another person, however this feels scary and they need to regularly check in with one another. Yellow gives us room to experiment.
These are just two examples of how the traffic light system can be a fantastic tool to navigate the “gray areas” of life, and communicate clearly and effectively with your partner.
If you’d like to learn more about negotiating boundaries, communicating with your partner and lots more, check out this week’s episode of my podcast (listen on Apple, Spotify, or in your browser) where I do a Q&A, answering questions I’ve been asked by listeners.
