Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner can feel like one of the most vulnerable conversations you’ll ever have. After all, these are deeply personal, intimate desires that you might not even have fully accepted yourself. It’s no wonder that many of us struggle to open up about them. But when done thoughtfully, sharing your fantasies can create a deeper connection, foster intimacy, and even make your relationship more fun and exciting.
Let’s explore why this can feel so challenging and how you can approach the conversation with warmth, curiosity, and compassion.
🎧 For a deeper dive into this topic, listen to the latest episode (#77) of Turns Out I’m Into It.
Why Is It So Hard to Share Fantasies?
Fear of Judgment
One of the biggest reasons sharing fantasies feels so difficult is the fear of being judged. You might worry that your partner will think you’re weird, too kinky, or even unattractive for having certain desires. But it’s important to remember that everyone has fantasies, and they’re as unique and individual as fingerprints. Just because your desires are different doesn’t make them wrong.
The Stakes Feel High
Talking to a stranger about fantasies might be easier than sharing them with a partner. That’s because your partner’s opinion matters most. You care about their reaction, and the risk of rejection can feel overwhelming. But this vulnerability is also what makes sharing fantasies with your partner so powerful—when it’s done in a supportive environment, it can build incredible trust and intimacy.
Shame and Self-Judgment
If you’ve spent years feeling ashamed of your fantasies, it’s natural to hesitate before sharing them. Many of us have been taught to believe that certain desires are taboo or that having fantasies means something is wrong with us. But the truth is, fantasies are just a part of being human, and sharing them doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re brave.
Practical Tips for Sharing Fantasies
If you’re ready to take the plunge and talk to your partner about your fantasies, here are some practical tips to help:
1. Start Small
You don’t have to dive into the deep end and reveal your most elaborate fantasy right away. Instead, start with something small and manageable. For example, if your fantasy involves power dynamics, you might begin by saying, “I’d love for you to hold my wrists during intimacy.” This allows you to test the waters without feeling too exposed.
2. Focus on the Feeling
Sometimes it’s easier to share the emotional experience you’re craving rather than the specific details of the fantasy. For instance, you might say, “I’ve been thinking about how much I’d love to feel embarrassed and exposed in a safe, playful way.” This opens the door for your partner to understand what excites you without needing to map out the entire scenario.
3. Write It Down
If talking about your fantasy feels too daunting, consider writing it down instead. You can share it with your partner via text, email, or even as a handwritten note. Alternatively, you can write it for yourself to read to your partner to kick off the discussion.
4. Frame It as an Exploration
Let your partner know that you’re sharing your fantasy as a way to connect, not because you expect them to act on it immediately (or at all). Try saying something like, “I want to share something with you that I think could be fun to talk about. There’s no pressure to do anything with it. I just want to share this part of me with you.”
5. Give and Receive Positive Feedback
How your partner responds can make a huge difference, especially if you’re feeling vulnerable. If their response is positive, let them know how much you appreciate their support. At the same time, if your partner shares a fantasy with you, celebrate their courage and thank them for opening up. Positive reinforcement creates a safe space for continued conversations.
And Lastly,
Sharing your fantasies with your partner isn’t about being perfect or completely unafraid—it’s about being brave and prioritising connection. It’s okay if the conversation feels awkward or if you’re unsure how to start. What matters most is creating a space where you and your partner can explore your desires with curiosity, compassion, and mutual respect.
Remember, you don’t have to share every fantasy, and your partner doesn’t have to agree to everything you share. But by opening up, even just a little, you’re taking a step toward deeper intimacy and understanding in your relationship.
xx Harley
