Some kinks are playful and fun, like being spoilt with attention, or bathed in chocolate sauce – but what about the less empowering ones… what if you’re turned on by rape fantasies and degradation…?
That has been my question for years. Even as I’ve become more comfortable in exploring these kinks, there has always been a question in the back of my mind… (usually while I’m tied up naked, having a cock forced down my throat) I’m thinking “is this really good for me?” 🤔
The short answer is yes. I’ve been recently reading a fascinating sex book called Coming Together by Danielle Harel PhD and Celeste Hirschman MA. In the book the authors talk about where kinks come from (spoiler alert, it’s childhood) and the role kinks play in our psychology.
The book splits our kinky desires into 2 categories:
#1 Resolution Pathway:
This one is about soothing the pain we experienced in childhood. For example a child who felt invisible might develop an exhibitionism kink – feeling gratified by so much attention. A child who felt powerless might develop a kink for dominance, so they can feel powerful and strong.
#2 Repetition with Agency Pathway
This one is less understood, but seems to be about repeating painful emotions experienced in childhood (such as shame, fear, powerlessness) in a context where the person has control over the situation – like a kinky role play. For example, if you felt fearful as a child, you might like to be tied up and blindfolded, so you can feel fearful by your own volition. If you felt shamed as a child, you might like to be called degrading names. Through repeating painful emotions in a positive (often pleasurable) way, the process seems to help sooth and even heal this emotional pain.
As someone who enjoys objectification, degradation, exhibitionism and CNC, understanding more of the psychology behind my kinks has helped me feel more confident to pursue them. Aka, just because I like to be kept in a cage, does not mean I’m trying to hurt myself, it’s actually the opposite! 🤯
I have so much more to learn on this topic, and I am loving sharing each step of my journey with you. If you’d like to hear me discuss this in detail, you can listen to this week’s episode of my podcast Turns Out I’m Into It, using the links below.
Listen on Spotify, Apple, and Android.
Here’s to enjoying what ever it is you’re into, and knowing what you’re doing is probably very healthy – even if it might not look that way on the surface!
(Originally posted to Fetlife)
