I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries lately – in particular how I can better at protecting them.
The tricky thing about boundaries is they’re not usually fixed. They often move around depending on the context (how you’re feeling that day, who you’re playing with etc). An obvious example for me is, some days I’m totally up for being caned, and other days a cane is too much. That boundary changes regularly.
To be good at reading our own boundaries we need to get in tune with our body’s warning signals. In other words, we need to learn to recognise the feelings and sensations and thoughts that arise when one of our boundaries is being approached. This can include anything from feeling tension in our chest, feeling sad or angry, having the sudden urge to run away, and lots more.
If you are interested in learning more about how to recognise your own boundaries – i talk about this in much more detail on this weeks podcast (listen on Spotify, Apple or YouTube).
This process of recognising your body’s warning signals sounds simple enough, and maybe it is for some people. But if you suffer from anxiety… you might find this more difficult than most.
Suffering from anxiety means overcoming your body’s warning signals is part of your daily experience. You become an expert in ignoring symptoms like rapid heart rate, shallow breathing, sweaty palms, racing thoughts, and you teach yourself to push through.
This might be really helpful in getting through your day to day life, like leaving the house to do your grocery shopping. However, when it comes to a kink scene, if your body is trying to tell you something is wrong, you don’t want to ignore those signals!
This is just one of the reasons why boundaries and consent can be way more complicated we realise. Imagine spending most of your life ignoring feelings of unease, and then suddenly expecting yourself to know exactly when to call a safe word in a kink scene – it’s not that easy.
If you or your play partner suffer from anxiety (and lots of us here do) you might want to spend some extra time getting back in touch with your body and it’s warning signals. This will help you bring more awareness to them when you play.
If you are looking for more help with this, I have recently become qualified as a somatic sexologist, and can help you build these skills. I am currently offering sessions at half price, and have limited spots available. Please msg me or visit harleyrabbit.com for more information.
Harley 🐰 xx
