Hi, I’m Harley.

I’m a certified sexologist who specialises in kink and BDSM. And no, that’s not what I thought I’d be when I grew up. But now I’m here, I can’t imagine doing anything better.

I’m obsessed with sexuality. I think it’s the most interesting, beautifully complicated, and brutally honest part of the human psyche. It can teach us so much about ourselves — what we need, how we feel safe, how we feel pleasure. And yet, it’s also the most shamed. We are taught sex isn’t important. That it’s dirty. Selfish. And we are suffering for it.

Most of us never had any real education around sex beyond putting a condom on a banana. I mean, that’s a start. But how do I feel pleasure? How do I know what I like is normal? How do I communicate that with my partner? Is it okay to have boundaries, even with someone I love?

All of these things are missing from our “how to get through life” toolbox. And it’s little wonder the world is currently in an intimacy crisis.

Here’s what I know about you: you clicked on this page for a reason. Maybe you’ve got desires you’ve never said out loud to anyone. Maybe the sex you’re having feels like eating plain rice when you know damn well there’s a whole banquet somewhere. Maybe you’ve spent years quietly wondering if something is wrong with you.

There is not. I promise you there is not.

I know, because I used to think the exact same thing about myself.

For a long time, what I actually wanted scared me. It felt like too much. So I did the very sensible, very miserable thing and tried to want something smaller. I followed the script. I had the boring sex. And then I had the no sex.

Reader, I was not okay.

My entire life changed when I stumbled into the world of kink. I learned there was a whole spectrum of human desire to explore, and that other people had desires that looked much like mine. The kink community taught me how to communicate better, to ask for what I want without turning into a beetroot (it still happens sometimes), and most of all, to make my erotic self a priority. I learned that part of me is important. And interesting. And really cool. And now I have more intimacy, sex, and adventures than I ever imagined possible.

After I discovered how much more there was to sex than I’d been taught, I wanted to tell the world about it. So I did. I started a podcast called Turns Out I’m Into It — where I talk about my own messy journey and interview people from around the world about theirs.

Then, because I knew there was so much still to learn, I trained with the Somatica® Institute and became a certified sexologist. Now my whole job is helping people explore their erotic selves.

And like I said, I cannot imagine anything better.